Tony Stark: Hammer time... Can’t touch this!

OK, so for some of you reading this post, you TOTALLYY won’t get the title, simply because you weren’t around when MC Hammer was the ‘DJ Class of his time’ (“The shit” for those that might have been still a little sleepy to get that one. lol)

This particular post is about some real ignorant perseverance. Ladies, if you are going to go OUT OF YOUR WAY to straight up, hassle, follow and corner a man in the club for his number you BETTER make use of it. ESPECIALLY when you are floating around a 7.5 and he’s a solid 10. The reason I bring this up is because there is this girl, we’ll call her ‘Julie’, and she did EXACTLY that with me and I felt somewhat compelled to share my experience with you all so that, guys – you can see how I handled such a silly girl and girls – you can see what NOT to do with a guy that is so clearly ahead of your time.

I hate silly girls that think silly things, such as believe in silly rules like these: waiting a certain amount of time before messaging or calling the man, waiting a certain amount of time to actually meet up, then waiting a certain amount of time to have sex – only to have it be, somewhat mediocre. Let’s call this the preface.

So I’m at this club enjoying my evening with my boys, when a group of girls gander over to our area. Now normally I would be ALL for it, however, this particular group of individuals didn’t even have the combined worth to approach ONE of our crew members. Now, don’t get it twisted. I am NOT saying that my crew and I are too good for everyone; we just know our worth and don’t discount it for just anybody.

Like all my blog posts, I want to make sure that you can fully grasp the situation. So peep this: My crew and I are at the back of the club, posted up between the bar and the DJ booth. The bartender is the startender of the establishment and takes care of us for the time that we are in his plain site of view, the DJ is one of the top dj`s in the city and plays what we want to hear, so naturally we chill with him till it`s time for him to be replaced on the ones and twos, at which time he joins us in our ventures. Now when I`m at the club I like to dance, so this is what I`m doing. I look up and there is `Julie` standing RIGHT in front of me and we make eye contact, however I look away as fast as I looked up since I did not want to give her ANY indication that I was, in fact, interested when I wasn`t. This continued for about 10-15 minutes, where I would look up in her direction and there she was, without a doubt, looking right at me.

Subtle hint #1: Looks away every time you look at him.

At this point in time I am feeling like a caged lion. The only way for me to leave my ‘cage’ was to, in fact, walk RIGHT into her. I really didn’t want to so I figured I`d wait her out, luckily for me my boys were content in chilling. I think she could see this so she decided to expedite the process a little bit by approaching me and what did she use as her first line of attack....``Does your girlfriend work here``. I looked at her in sheer disgust. Not because she decided to talk to me but because that was a LAME ASS attempt at starting a conversation with ME. (Come on ladies, if you want to approach a man of any worth at all, come original. Surprise us, we aren’t looking for the run of the mill girl, we are looking for a gem in the sand, that diamond in the rough. We want to see that someone acknowledges the effort we put in to provide high quality distinguished gentlemen and reciprocates the effort. If you want to use “run of the mill” lines and give a mediocre effort then expect attention from a “run of the mill, mediocre man”.

Sorry had a little rant in me. Let me get back on track...

Tony: “hahaha No my girlfriend doesn’t work here. Does your boyfriend work here?”
Julie: “No my boyfriend doesn’t work here”.
Tony: “Glad we got that covered” and I turned around and started dancing. Thinking that a good minute could go by and she would be gone right? Wrong! The bitch was still there!! Fully, just waiting for me to turn around. Awwkwwaardd...so I decided to leave the ‘cage’. I had to. She was circling me like a vulture in the desert.

Subtle hint #2: Laughs at your questions
Subtle hint #3: Diverts his attention elsewhere

I grabbed my boy and walked towards the floor, he was in front of me and I was trailing behind walking RIGHT past Julie HOPING that she wasn’t going to make a third awkward attempt at talking to me and with ninja like reactions her arm was in front of me, hand pressed against the wall, separating my friend and I.
Julie: “hi”
“hi”?....”HI”??? You’ve said that already. THAT’S the BEST you could come up with as a second attempt? So I decided to up the “I don’t like you that way” vibe.
Tony: “You said that already. I have to go, I’ll be back later” Lifted up her arm and walked away... Now I wish I could tell you what kind of “dumbfounded” look she had on her face but, like Antonio Banderas walking out of a building that just exploded, I didn’t look back. We walked around the club a bit saying hi to different groups of friends and eventually ended up in the smoke pit. It was about that time of night where you decided to pour more shots down your tubes or go the opposite direction and indulge in a tasty brown blueberry blunt....obviously, being in the smoke pit I decided on the blueberries!

Subtle hint #4: He walks away from you when you force him to stop and talk to you.

Mmmmm....blueeberrriiesss :D In 5...4...3....2....1 we have lift off! The circle begins, everybody talking about different things, what’s going on IN the club, what’s going on OUT of the club, what’s going on AFTER the club etc etc. All of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder, wait! How’d you know? You skipped ahead didn’t you...Well now that you know, there she was!!! Can you believe it guys??

Subtle hint #5: If he’s in the smoke pit, DON’T follow him in there! It’s a guy’s thing, BIG no no ladies...

Julie: “I think we should talk”
Tony: “You do, do you? And why is that?”
Julie: “Because you interest me”

Now ladies, don’t take what I am about to say as any sign that you should be doing ANY of what this poor young girl has done in this story because it’s NOT good. All I could think about is, “This girl is persistent!” and it made me think of that part in the movie “HITCH” where Hitch sends the walkie talkies to Sarah Melas office and says “Do you know the definition of perseverance?...Continuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure. Over” WOW! I was Sarah Melas :s But I had to give her credit for being persistent. I had absolutely NO intention of continuing anything any further than this evening but I guess I was feeling a little vulnerable as her persistence definitely stroked my ego a bit. (lol)

Tony: “OK, now I wasn’t going to do this but because of your persistence I’ll give you my number.”
Julie: “I don’t have my phone with me”

I should’ve just turned around. I don’t know why I continued...

Tony: “Sucks to be you then! Guess you’ll just have to hope you can remember it”

Subtle hint #6: If he won’t take your number he’s NOT really interested and probably won’t call. Unless for a desperate, last option, hail mary, you are literally the last girl in his phone that he hasn’t tried to hook up with yet, booty call.

So I gave her my number and she scurried out of the smoke pit and back into the club like a furry little chipmunk running to a nut and you could tell that all she was doing was running the numbers through her head so she didn’t forget them. Sure enough 15 minutes later...”hi..”. Woww, I’m a little surprised. She remembered it and actually messaged me. “Hi to you...good memory, 5 points” We went back and forth with some simple banter and I told her good night. Two weeks go by and I don’t hear a peep from her, so I delete her from my phone.

Subtle hint #7: If more than a couple days go by and you haven’t heard from him, don’t expect to and if you do, expect it to be after 11pm and NOT looking to get some “ice cream” lol

Then out of nowhere she messages me. The conversation went something, exactly, like this:
Julie: “Hi. You coming out next Saturday”
Tony: “Where”. “I’m sorry but who is this?”
Julie: “I met you at a club several weeks ago”
Tony: “I meet a lot of people at clubs. Can you be any more specific please?”
Julie:”It’s Julie lol ”
Julie: “Hahaha. Go to hell then”
:o. “Hahaha. Go to hell then”? Did she just tell me to visit H-E-double hockey sticks because I asked who was texting me after not hearing from her in 2 weeks?? The audacity I must have. So I had to do it. I had to put her in her place. She was offside talking to me in the beginning but I allowed it to persist. *that was my bad* But now she was Traveling, while double dribbling, going over and back, and using profanity at the same time as charging! (Sorry the Lakers just won so all the penalties they accrued are still in my head. :P) OK, before I do this can someone call an ambulance please, this is going to hurt.
Tony: “To be honest..... Your persistence that night was impressive. I even msg’d my boys the next DAY telling them about this girl that I met the night before at a club that I had every intention of NOT meeting anyone new at. I gave you my number only for you not to use it regularly enough for me to have you saved/recognize it on my screen, and when I nicely ASK who was saying “hi” you act like I’m soooo out of line and tell me to “go to hell then”?! HA. Listen here, you should feel lucky- NO...FORTUNATE that I gave you an opportunity to talk to me. You now have shown me that what I thought was “persistence” was actually you high on blow because you’re CLEARLY a crackhead if you think you can tell ME to go to hell!! SO with that, please don’t reply, it won’t be read so let’s save you one of your $5/100 texts per month with FIDO and send it to someone that entertains your rudeness. Laters. –Tony-
I’m on a horse....”

As much as I didn’t want to be that forward it had to happen, due to her ignorance and disregard for me and my worth. Talking with my boys and telling them what I had just said to her we believed strongly that she WAS in fact a crackhead and that, after a text that strong and direct, she wasn’t going to message back. WRONG!!! 12 minutes later Julie says, “I’m sorry. I was teasing. Can’t take a joke? Hehe.” If that wasn’t nervous back peddling I don’t know what is, considering that when she did actually message me she said things like “I should stay away from you because I’m too attracted to you” Dumb Bitch! You should stay away from me cuz I’m going to sleep with you and never call you again lol.

Now don’t start calling me a sleeze bag or player quite yet. I don’t use, abuse, lie or manipulate women. Even though I might talk to more than one woman simultaneously I give each one of them 100% attention and care when I am with them and always find time to show them that they are on my mind when I’m not. But everyone has to have fun every once in a while and definitely take advantage of unique opportunities when they arrive. ;)

Subtle hint #8: When you get a text message like this one, delete his number, turn off your phone and stay home for the night.

9 minutes later, I get another message: “Because I know you remember me and you pretend you don’t. Fine...”. “FINE”? YOU are saying “FINE” to ME? How can you receive a message like the one I just sent and reply with “Fine”?? You can’t! And that is why this poor girl will never learn. The next time I see her I will act like we’ve never met....

12:26 am (Exactly 4 hours later) Julie: “Can I call you?” No bitch you can’t call me, “You can’t touch this! deh neh neh neh, neh neh, neh neh..You can’t touch this!”

Subtle hint #9: If he doesn’t reply, you’ve been deleted.

Persistence is good, but not when you don’t know what to do after you get what you are being so persistent for. Write that down.

Until next time...

-TS