So I’m sitting on the set of ‘Mildred Pierce’ with Kate Winslet, Evan Rachel Wood and Guy Pierce on a beautifully sunny day, all the way out in Cold Springs Harbor and I’m bored, so I figured I’d share another post with ya’ll. Now, don’t let me mislead ya’ll…I’m NOT some big actor or celebrity, I just happen to be supporting a friend and keeping him company while he has time free.
Recently I posted a story about a young female that, BASICALLY, stalked me in the club only to act stupid once she actually got my number. Now I won’t catch ya’ll up with the story, because - well let’s face it…you have access to the FULL story right here on the BKS Society, just search “Tony Stark: Hammer Time… Can’t Touch This!”. However, I have some new additions to the story that I would like to share.
Before I get into the story I want to have a small discussion about some things that don’t quite sit well with me…
In our experience there is a particular type of chick that falls under the pretense of “bitch or bitches”. Now, if you noticed, I specifically used the word “chick” instead of “woman” because I don’t put these girls in the same category as a “woman”. So what is the difference? It’s actually quite simple, so I can understand how and why some would confuse the two and connect them.
A "woman" is someone that takes care of herself. That walks, stands and talks with class. Knows her “worth” and stays true to it. A woman can still be promiscuous BUT does it with her class intact. She doesn’t bring drama or bullshit to the table and understands your life because, like the men of our stature, she is busy putting her life together as well. She is grown up about her interactions and tells it as it is.
A “bitch” or a flock of “bitches” are completely different. These chicks stake out clubs as if they were in the show “Keys to the VIP”; they look for a certain type of man: the baller, the pro athlete, the actor, model, gangster or the guy that fronts like he’s important. They play stupid little games and act like their “worth” is more than it is. Basically, they are like a fake stock…making themselves seem like they are going through the roof, only to find out that the product they were selling wasn’t what they were marketing and you’ve lost your investment.
So again, I say, “I don't mean to call them bitches but if you get offended by this word it's probably because you aren't secure with the particular life style you are living right now, so please, settle that on your own damn time “lol
We will be posting again with a closer look into who we are, so you can see that we are not just vulgar, to the point, men with one thing on our mind; on the contrary, we are quite the opposite. We are in fact what we claim to be, a group of elite “Distinguished Gentlemen”. So look out for the post “BKS SOCIETY: A look into a ‘Distinguished Gentleman’.
Ok, now for the additions to the story. If you haven’t read the original story please take a moment to read it and catch yourself up….it’s ok, I’ll wait…
All caught up? PERFECT! Read on.
So last night I was relaxing in my hotel room with a nice bottle of red wine trying to get relaxed for my long day on set today. Being Saturday night my phone was vibrating like a “rabbit” in a sexually frustrated girl’s bedroom. Mostly messages trying to figure out what I was doing, whether I had time to meet up, whether or not I could hook up some club or restaurant shit…you know the usual.
It’s now about midnight and out of nowhere I get a message from “Julie” (the chick from my post) and all it said was “:)”. Needless to say, I ignored it. 16 minutes later I get another one, this time it was asking me to come meet her at this club she was at. Now because I don’t talk to this chick she didn’t know I was out of the city but I go back to my blog and quote myself, “Subtle hint #9: If he doesn’t reply, you’ve been deleted.” and ya’ll wonder why I refer to some chicks as “Dumb bitches” (lol). Again, I didn’t respond.
21 minutes later, persistent as always…or stupid as always – depends on how you look at it, I get yet another text message…I mean really??
“Hi Tony. I know you won’t look at my message, but I want to say this for myself, and just in case…
I’m truly sorry for what I said. I was just teasing. I’m known for teasing a bit too much! I think you are amazing. Anyways, that’s it. Call me sometime. Hopefully…”
Now I don’t make it a habit to be a dick but commoonnnn people!! Let me dissect this message real quick…
“Hi Tony. I know you won’t look at my message..” If you read any of my last text messages and KNOW I’m not going to respond or possibly even read it then why on Pandora would you even waste your time AND the .05-.10 cents it cost to send me the message?
“I’m truly sorry for what I said. I was just teasing. I’m known for teasing a bit too much!” Ok, woosaahh…(lol) This is exactly why chicks like this will be referred to as “bitches” and never mature in the world of dating/relationships. WHY? Simple: if you have been told that you have a fault and you DO NOT fix it, you are DOA like auto tunes!
“Call me sometime. Hopefully…” Desperation is not attractive and does nothing to make me want you more. Like my friend GVIXEN said, “women have pussy power” (now don’t get it twisted, men have “dick power” too)but the point of the “power” is a combination of amazing sex and the lure of amazing sex. If it’s too easy to acquire, we don’t want it – we need a challenge, which is EXACTLY why “Julie” is continuously hitting me up despite my blatant disregard for her previous attempts.
About an hour later, approximately 1:45am, she finally ended the evening with, “Nothing? Okay. Make me suffer” I’m not trying to make you suffer, idiot, I’m trying to educate you. I AM NOT INTERESTED! Do I really need to be that blatantly rude? Because all this time I was reeeaaally trying not to.
Running the risk of offending some, even though we DID put up a warning for content you have to accept before you can even visit our page, I say this… “Dumb Bitch! Deleted.” (lol)
This has been another Public Service Announcement from the BKS Society.
Until next time…
-TS-
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tony Stark: Let it burn...
There's nothing like some passionate, sweaty, HOT sex! I'm talking fire breathing dragon hot. The kind of hot that makes you neglect earth shattering events just to buss a nut. Well, ladies and gentlemen...last night was a night of epic epicness for me and my lady friend.
The evening started like any other night...I was walking around my place making sure all the essentials were stocked up and the ambiance was juuust right. Toilet paper: Check. Hand soap: Check. Magnums: check. Candles: lit. Playlist: cued. Wine: breathing...
The bed was made with crisp folded lines in the 3000 thread count sheets, the room was lit with the 2 lonesome candles to the right side of the bed, one slightly taller than its less than fortunate wax brother, illuminated by the effervescent moon light shining through the window and just under the pillows. With the scent of jasmine lingering in the air and a playlist compiled of greats such as: Teddy Pendergrass, Lenny Williams, Luther Vandross, RKelly, and my boy Trey Songz, just to name a few, filled the air with that sexual swag that plays as the evenings events unfold. Each song carefully selected and intellectually ordered.
T-MINUS 15 MIN TILL SHE'S HERE.
I drop down and do 100 pushups, roll over and crunch out 100 situps. I jump in the shower and get myself cleaned up. Brush my teeth, shave, lotion on and cologne applied...one behind each ear, one on each wrist, two on the neck just above the collarbone and the last one just below the belly button. The phone rings...
*RING RING*
She’s here, so I buzz her up. I open the door for her and she enters my place, lights are low and the ambiance immediately brought goose bumps to her skin; she knew she was going to enjoy her evening. She glances over my shoulder and down to the end of the hallway and peaked into my bedroom to see what I had setup, I take her jacket and hang it. I then grab her hand and lead her into the living room. I sit her down and pour her a glass of wine; it’s red and full bodied it leaves just the right amount of arms on the glass after each sip. We do the whole ‘chit chat/flirt’, build up on anticipation for about 30 minutes , put down 2 bottles of wine and she pounces on me. She pushes me back into the couch and straddles me...well, well, well, what a nice little surprise. A woman that plays shy and coy but also knows when and how to take charge...10 points. I wrap her legs around my waist and I stand up and carry her to my bedroom. I lay her gently on the bed and we get right to it.
After some unbelievably gratifying head, she climbs up my torso and sits right down on top of me, that first stroke had me shakin’ like I got electroshock therapy. She starts riding me and I guide her through it....I tell her to relax and just sit back in her hip, I tell her to put her hands on my chest and rotate her hips towards my stomach and slowly push her hips back...her eyes go into the back of her head and she gasps for a breathe...I go on to show her a couple new moves she hadn’t yet seen when out of nowhere she yells, “OH MY GOD TONY!” and just then I was like, “Yeeaahh I’m a fuckin’ stud!” lol she says it again,”OH MY GOD TONY!” then follows it up with “TONYY...YOU..’RE....OOON...FIRE!!!”
Just then, to the right of me, I see a huge flame! I know this is going to sound a little crazy to some of you but I’m dead serious when I say there was a HUGE flame and it was coming from my PILLOW!!! I guess when I moved the pillow to prop my head up when I was getting brains I moved it into the candles and, of course being 3000 thread count pillow cases, those motherfuckers went up in a hurry. For a second I actually contemplated losing my damage deposit cuz this girl had me wrapped around her finger...Top 3 in my books for sure.
Now, what I’m about to tell you I’m 100% positive 99% of you will not believe it, however. For the 1% of gullible idiots out there – this is actually true!
As I’m slamming my pillow into the ground to get the fire out, naked, I hear in the background a song that would become the theme song for my night of misfortune.
“When your feeling ain’t the same and your body don’t want to
But you know you gotta let it go cuz the party ain’t jumpin’ like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn.”
I started laughing uncontrollably and the girl I was with looked at me like I was insane. Here I am naked, putting out a pillow fire because while I was getting brains I accidently put the damn thing in the fire and I’m laughing. I could see how that must look. I took the pillow case off and threw it in the laundry basket, threw it back on the bed and jumped back on my lady friend. After all, I couldn’t leave her with that being the last memory of the night...
Needless to say, the sex was HOT!
Until Next time...
-TS
The evening started like any other night...I was walking around my place making sure all the essentials were stocked up and the ambiance was juuust right. Toilet paper: Check. Hand soap: Check. Magnums: check. Candles: lit. Playlist: cued. Wine: breathing...
The bed was made with crisp folded lines in the 3000 thread count sheets, the room was lit with the 2 lonesome candles to the right side of the bed, one slightly taller than its less than fortunate wax brother, illuminated by the effervescent moon light shining through the window and just under the pillows. With the scent of jasmine lingering in the air and a playlist compiled of greats such as: Teddy Pendergrass, Lenny Williams, Luther Vandross, RKelly, and my boy Trey Songz, just to name a few, filled the air with that sexual swag that plays as the evenings events unfold. Each song carefully selected and intellectually ordered.
T-MINUS 15 MIN TILL SHE'S HERE.
I drop down and do 100 pushups, roll over and crunch out 100 situps. I jump in the shower and get myself cleaned up. Brush my teeth, shave, lotion on and cologne applied...one behind each ear, one on each wrist, two on the neck just above the collarbone and the last one just below the belly button. The phone rings...
*RING RING*
She’s here, so I buzz her up. I open the door for her and she enters my place, lights are low and the ambiance immediately brought goose bumps to her skin; she knew she was going to enjoy her evening. She glances over my shoulder and down to the end of the hallway and peaked into my bedroom to see what I had setup, I take her jacket and hang it. I then grab her hand and lead her into the living room. I sit her down and pour her a glass of wine; it’s red and full bodied it leaves just the right amount of arms on the glass after each sip. We do the whole ‘chit chat/flirt’, build up on anticipation for about 30 minutes , put down 2 bottles of wine and she pounces on me. She pushes me back into the couch and straddles me...well, well, well, what a nice little surprise. A woman that plays shy and coy but also knows when and how to take charge...10 points. I wrap her legs around my waist and I stand up and carry her to my bedroom. I lay her gently on the bed and we get right to it.
After some unbelievably gratifying head, she climbs up my torso and sits right down on top of me, that first stroke had me shakin’ like I got electroshock therapy. She starts riding me and I guide her through it....I tell her to relax and just sit back in her hip, I tell her to put her hands on my chest and rotate her hips towards my stomach and slowly push her hips back...her eyes go into the back of her head and she gasps for a breathe...I go on to show her a couple new moves she hadn’t yet seen when out of nowhere she yells, “OH MY GOD TONY!” and just then I was like, “Yeeaahh I’m a fuckin’ stud!” lol she says it again,”OH MY GOD TONY!” then follows it up with “TONYY...YOU..’RE....OOON...FIRE!!!”
Just then, to the right of me, I see a huge flame! I know this is going to sound a little crazy to some of you but I’m dead serious when I say there was a HUGE flame and it was coming from my PILLOW!!! I guess when I moved the pillow to prop my head up when I was getting brains I moved it into the candles and, of course being 3000 thread count pillow cases, those motherfuckers went up in a hurry. For a second I actually contemplated losing my damage deposit cuz this girl had me wrapped around her finger...Top 3 in my books for sure.
Now, what I’m about to tell you I’m 100% positive 99% of you will not believe it, however. For the 1% of gullible idiots out there – this is actually true!
As I’m slamming my pillow into the ground to get the fire out, naked, I hear in the background a song that would become the theme song for my night of misfortune.
“When your feeling ain’t the same and your body don’t want to
But you know you gotta let it go cuz the party ain’t jumpin’ like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn.”
I started laughing uncontrollably and the girl I was with looked at me like I was insane. Here I am naked, putting out a pillow fire because while I was getting brains I accidently put the damn thing in the fire and I’m laughing. I could see how that must look. I took the pillow case off and threw it in the laundry basket, threw it back on the bed and jumped back on my lady friend. After all, I couldn’t leave her with that being the last memory of the night...
Needless to say, the sex was HOT!
Until Next time...
-TS
Friday, May 21, 2010
Dr. Hank McCoy: Mile high club? Nahh... Airport club
So, so, blah blah blah blah. I GOT A STORY TO TELL...
I’m out of town on business in a city very familiar to me and I decide to send a text message to one of my most favorite encounters that juust wasn’t giving me the time of day during my stay. For the past week she’s been acting ALL kinds of funny with me and then telling me she needs to talk to me about something. Let’s call her ‘Katrina’ (for reference sake). Right away, I figured it was because the girl I had almost taken up to my boys place the trip before to that city happened to be the friend she was out with some nights ago. Let’s call her ‘Michelle’. This is especially unfortunate because “Katrina” happens to be in my top three of all time hook ups.
So after pure awkwardness and non-effort on both our parts to meet up, I send her a text yesterday morning saying “I’m so not impressed with you, better yet disappointed”. She goes on to tell me that she should be the one that is upset and not me. I tell her that “I’m not saying you can't be upset but being upset at something you have no details of or have no confirmation from talking to me about is putting yourself in a very bad situation”. It’s when speculation and ignorance meet, get married and spit out two kids by the name of ‘Stupid bitch syndrome’ and ‘ignorant dumb little girl’.
Anyway, I tell her that I'm heading for the airport right now and flight takes off in an hour and a half. If you’re not at the airport to deal with this, I will assume that your good with how things will be from here on out and it wasn’t that much of a situation for you. She replies with "I'll be there in a half hour"
So after the girl, I’m staying with, drops me off at the airport I check my baggage in with only enough time to go through security and safely be in boarding with 20 minutes relaxing time. ‘Katrina’ comes into the terminal and we go for a walk. "Lets walk and talk" I tell her, when she immediately starts her hyperventilation mode right up until we sit in an open area where she can talk freely and feel like I’m spending sometime with her. She begins to sob before I could even understand where she’s really going with this, even though we all know I already know! Apparently, Michelle was telling her that she was ‘dating’ me and went on a few dates with me. Not sure of the details as there wasn’t much to be said, but you know how girls can embellish when they think their friends don’t know. That was made obvious as she told my, now crying, ‘Katrina’ that she had been 'dating' me.
I immediately put a consoling hand on her knee correcting her by truthfully admitting to going out for a Venti Java at Starbucks. However, I DO NOT constitute that as a date under any circumstances. Not to mention that the night did not end as advertised to poor ‘Katrina’. So here’s how that night actually went…
We went out and we had about an hour and a half of casual convo, it was getting late so I offered to walk her to her car. As we get to the car I give her a gentlemen’s hug and she turns the hug into a warm embrace. She then gives me a parting kiss which turned into a full on make out session ON the street. I get offered to get dropped off at my buddies place so we move it to the car where more making out and heavy petting ensues. She was on me more then I ever would have expected. I never would have expected her to have leaned in for the first kiss when I was being cordial and was giving her a goodnight hug and let me feel her up like security at the airport.
So we pull up to my buddies...naturally I invite her upstairs just to hang (and see how low she can go) *thanks Luda* but she then, with hesitation and inner turmoil, declined and said she wasn’t ready to come in, which I was cool with. I didn’t expect for any of this to have happened. So cool.. play it off like I just wanted to introduce her to my best friend and blah blah blah.
So I thought the night was pretty innocent until the texts the next day. They were making me out to be some aggressive ogre that was trying to rush her into a bed and have my way. Now I didn’t tell her my true intentions, so there was no way she could have known that! Lol. She continues to tell me how she’s not that kind of girl and needs to get to know someone more before entering their place. I quickly had to set her straight and let it be known that I was nothing short of a distinguished gentlemen *ding* and that I never forced her to do anything she didn’t want or felt comfortable doing. I said that I respected the fact that she didn’t want to come up stairs but I was only being polite, as I felt she might not have been ready to end the night. I totally flipped the script back to where it was supposed to be. I also went on to explain to her that it was against my better judgment to have started talking to or finding a casual interest in one of my business associates.
I pretty much explained to ‘Michelle’ that I stake my career and reputation on being a gentleman and by her making me out to feel like I was luring her or pressuring her into doing other things really upset me and actually frightened me. I went on to explain that all I need is for ONE person to start saying that I take advantage of girls who work under me and what not. (In my line of work I am surrounded by women.) She goes on to say that she wouldn't do such a thing. I continue to tell her that after reading the texts I read that day leads me to believe otherwise. That this situation has now made me very uncomfortable and I can’t exactly feel rest assured that she’s not the bunny burning type. She continued to back pedal saying that she’s nothing like that and maybe she read me wrong blah blah blah. Begs and insist that we meet up that night to talk face to face because she NOW feels that she knows me better and also feels better about a second encounter.
I kept telling her no but eventually gave in. I had to, considering we may have to work together again in the future and the last thing I need is have this awkward elephant in the room playing the drums.
We meet back up at the same Starbucks we had previously and I give her straight casual vibes and already I can see that she wasn’t feeling this and that she might have made a mistake with her approach. By the end of the second night I had her agreeing that she 'jumped the gun' and painted me wrong, then tried to go on to say that after this talk that she feels that ahe got to know me better and would like to see more of me. At this point, my mind has already said in a street fighter voice "GAME OVER, YOU LOSE"! So I end the night. I walk her half way to her car, give her a spacious, impersonal hug and waved her bye. As oppose to the night before when I walked her all the way back to her car to give her a hug, hence where she kissed me and started this whole rigmarole.
So here I am, looking at this poor soul crying over some nonsense that this girl had told her that was more uneventful then a full game of golf. Now the more she's crying the more I'm getting harder and can't hide my erection in my dress pants.
I don’t know what it is about crying girls over me but it makes me soooooooooo damn horny.
So I’m looking at the time and thinking to myself "yea I spent adequate time being concerned and reassuring, time to find a vacant washroom"! I get up, take her hand and say follow me. I take her upstairs to the men's bathroom. Right away she's like: "Don’t think this is going to make it all better and it will all go away" and the whole time I’m looking down at her saying.... "We DON'T have time for this just put it back in your mouth please". Needless to say, it was the nicest, most gratifying piece of head I had gotten in a longtime. And with all due respect... the circumstances made it that much more gratifying.
I HAD to tell her to stand up on the toilet so I could finish this with a perfect dismount. She gets up on the toilet in a squatting position, rear end facing me. Now I thought the head felt crazy.... the back shot was ridiculous! It felt SO good being SO bad. I nutted in like 30 long strokes and 15 fast ones... Pulled the magnum off, wiped up, got dressed, washed hands and was at security in under
...... 4 minutes including hugs, kisses (on cheeks, never on the mouth after brains) and it was great seeing you again.....blah blah blah
*DING*
Please put your seats and tray tables in the upright position and buckle your seat belts.
Dr. Hank “Beast” Mackoy
I’m out of town on business in a city very familiar to me and I decide to send a text message to one of my most favorite encounters that juust wasn’t giving me the time of day during my stay. For the past week she’s been acting ALL kinds of funny with me and then telling me she needs to talk to me about something. Let’s call her ‘Katrina’ (for reference sake). Right away, I figured it was because the girl I had almost taken up to my boys place the trip before to that city happened to be the friend she was out with some nights ago. Let’s call her ‘Michelle’. This is especially unfortunate because “Katrina” happens to be in my top three of all time hook ups.
So after pure awkwardness and non-effort on both our parts to meet up, I send her a text yesterday morning saying “I’m so not impressed with you, better yet disappointed”. She goes on to tell me that she should be the one that is upset and not me. I tell her that “I’m not saying you can't be upset but being upset at something you have no details of or have no confirmation from talking to me about is putting yourself in a very bad situation”. It’s when speculation and ignorance meet, get married and spit out two kids by the name of ‘Stupid bitch syndrome’ and ‘ignorant dumb little girl’.
Anyway, I tell her that I'm heading for the airport right now and flight takes off in an hour and a half. If you’re not at the airport to deal with this, I will assume that your good with how things will be from here on out and it wasn’t that much of a situation for you. She replies with "I'll be there in a half hour"
So after the girl, I’m staying with, drops me off at the airport I check my baggage in with only enough time to go through security and safely be in boarding with 20 minutes relaxing time. ‘Katrina’ comes into the terminal and we go for a walk. "Lets walk and talk" I tell her, when she immediately starts her hyperventilation mode right up until we sit in an open area where she can talk freely and feel like I’m spending sometime with her. She begins to sob before I could even understand where she’s really going with this, even though we all know I already know! Apparently, Michelle was telling her that she was ‘dating’ me and went on a few dates with me. Not sure of the details as there wasn’t much to be said, but you know how girls can embellish when they think their friends don’t know. That was made obvious as she told my, now crying, ‘Katrina’ that she had been 'dating' me.
I immediately put a consoling hand on her knee correcting her by truthfully admitting to going out for a Venti Java at Starbucks. However, I DO NOT constitute that as a date under any circumstances. Not to mention that the night did not end as advertised to poor ‘Katrina’. So here’s how that night actually went…
We went out and we had about an hour and a half of casual convo, it was getting late so I offered to walk her to her car. As we get to the car I give her a gentlemen’s hug and she turns the hug into a warm embrace. She then gives me a parting kiss which turned into a full on make out session ON the street. I get offered to get dropped off at my buddies place so we move it to the car where more making out and heavy petting ensues. She was on me more then I ever would have expected. I never would have expected her to have leaned in for the first kiss when I was being cordial and was giving her a goodnight hug and let me feel her up like security at the airport.
So we pull up to my buddies...naturally I invite her upstairs just to hang (and see how low she can go) *thanks Luda* but she then, with hesitation and inner turmoil, declined and said she wasn’t ready to come in, which I was cool with. I didn’t expect for any of this to have happened. So cool.. play it off like I just wanted to introduce her to my best friend and blah blah blah.
So I thought the night was pretty innocent until the texts the next day. They were making me out to be some aggressive ogre that was trying to rush her into a bed and have my way. Now I didn’t tell her my true intentions, so there was no way she could have known that! Lol. She continues to tell me how she’s not that kind of girl and needs to get to know someone more before entering their place. I quickly had to set her straight and let it be known that I was nothing short of a distinguished gentlemen *ding* and that I never forced her to do anything she didn’t want or felt comfortable doing. I said that I respected the fact that she didn’t want to come up stairs but I was only being polite, as I felt she might not have been ready to end the night. I totally flipped the script back to where it was supposed to be. I also went on to explain to her that it was against my better judgment to have started talking to or finding a casual interest in one of my business associates.
I pretty much explained to ‘Michelle’ that I stake my career and reputation on being a gentleman and by her making me out to feel like I was luring her or pressuring her into doing other things really upset me and actually frightened me. I went on to explain that all I need is for ONE person to start saying that I take advantage of girls who work under me and what not. (In my line of work I am surrounded by women.) She goes on to say that she wouldn't do such a thing. I continue to tell her that after reading the texts I read that day leads me to believe otherwise. That this situation has now made me very uncomfortable and I can’t exactly feel rest assured that she’s not the bunny burning type. She continued to back pedal saying that she’s nothing like that and maybe she read me wrong blah blah blah. Begs and insist that we meet up that night to talk face to face because she NOW feels that she knows me better and also feels better about a second encounter.
I kept telling her no but eventually gave in. I had to, considering we may have to work together again in the future and the last thing I need is have this awkward elephant in the room playing the drums.
We meet back up at the same Starbucks we had previously and I give her straight casual vibes and already I can see that she wasn’t feeling this and that she might have made a mistake with her approach. By the end of the second night I had her agreeing that she 'jumped the gun' and painted me wrong, then tried to go on to say that after this talk that she feels that ahe got to know me better and would like to see more of me. At this point, my mind has already said in a street fighter voice "GAME OVER, YOU LOSE"! So I end the night. I walk her half way to her car, give her a spacious, impersonal hug and waved her bye. As oppose to the night before when I walked her all the way back to her car to give her a hug, hence where she kissed me and started this whole rigmarole.
So here I am, looking at this poor soul crying over some nonsense that this girl had told her that was more uneventful then a full game of golf. Now the more she's crying the more I'm getting harder and can't hide my erection in my dress pants.
I don’t know what it is about crying girls over me but it makes me soooooooooo damn horny.
So I’m looking at the time and thinking to myself "yea I spent adequate time being concerned and reassuring, time to find a vacant washroom"! I get up, take her hand and say follow me. I take her upstairs to the men's bathroom. Right away she's like: "Don’t think this is going to make it all better and it will all go away" and the whole time I’m looking down at her saying.... "We DON'T have time for this just put it back in your mouth please". Needless to say, it was the nicest, most gratifying piece of head I had gotten in a longtime. And with all due respect... the circumstances made it that much more gratifying.
I HAD to tell her to stand up on the toilet so I could finish this with a perfect dismount. She gets up on the toilet in a squatting position, rear end facing me. Now I thought the head felt crazy.... the back shot was ridiculous! It felt SO good being SO bad. I nutted in like 30 long strokes and 15 fast ones... Pulled the magnum off, wiped up, got dressed, washed hands and was at security in under
...... 4 minutes including hugs, kisses (on cheeks, never on the mouth after brains) and it was great seeing you again.....blah blah blah
*DING*
Please put your seats and tray tables in the upright position and buckle your seat belts.
Dr. Hank “Beast” Mackoy
Monday, May 17, 2010
Bruce Wayne: "Lesson for the ladies"
Good day (or night!) fellow readers...
Today's post is going to be a little different. Today, I will be giving the ladies a little lesson. Now before the gentlemen get all concerned that I'm about to give away patented trade secrets... slap yourself and apologize to me RIGHT NOW because I, better than anyone, know better than to do that foolishness! We all however do have mothers and sometimes (and I mean sommmmmmmetimes), the ladies need some help too.
Ready? Here goes.
Lesson #1: Decide to be a fool, or decide to NOT. ALWAYS a choice!
So we’ll start with a story to get everyone included and help both men and women understand the rule.
I have a friend that is into this DJ. He plays at one of the city’s busier clubs so I guess that means he gets to fuck lots of young, dumb girls? Needless to say… he DOES! I know a few that have been with him and according to those that did and ‘got smart’, he’s, and I quote: “horrible in bed and has a small penis”. Now before ANY of you allow yourselves to run to calling me a hater, I haven’t slept with homeboy, and I personally ONLY ever indulge myself with those of the opposite sex, so me mentioning that he has a small penis is merely mentioned because I’m angry that the geek is messing with my girls head. Anyway, I digress. Where was I? AHH yes… DJ with small penis that fucks lots of dumb patrons to overcompensate for lack of confidence in the real world
Well this guy has one of my girlfriends ALLLLL pringled (twisted) up and she is now at the point of no return… she is officially lost to the dumb bitch side and it breaks my heart to know that her father, who actually did a fairly good job at raising her, has lost the battle like so many other whore’s fathers have. This guy never hits her up when he says, flakes out on plans, has her over ONLY in the middle of the night, forgets her birthday and and and. Now to me, it’s sorta textbook that you’re a piece of ass when a guy ONLY ever talks to you when he’s saying stuff like: “no no, don’t stop, I have a hair tie somewhere that you can use if your hair is getting in the way… keep going”. Now for this poor soul to not take her friend’s advice, my advice and even that little voice in her head that is screeaaammming to run the other way, one would assume that she, at the very least, THINKS that she may be falling in love. WRONG. Don’t EVER assume that when people do dumb shit beyond your sane comprehension that they are in love. They are in DUMB and only time helps that.
Now before I go on, let me be clear…. At some point or another, every single one of us is on the other end of someone taking either a slight bit advantage of us, or tons. It’s merely a matter of choice as to where you land on the chart. Now onto the rule….
Lesson #1: Decide to be a fool, or decide to not. ALWAYS a choice!
IF you know that the guy or girl that you’re sleeping with is feeding (fucking) everyone else as if it were a food bank and you CHOOSE to continue sleeping with them and being treated solely as a piece of ass… GOOD on you. What that means is that you’re hip to their bullshit and you’re fucking them because you WANT to. Small penis or not, corny club DJ lines or not, slight resemblance to Taylor Lautner or not, you have CHOSEN to do what you are doing, and consequently, take the flack from your friends (ME) in good conscience as well. Here is where people have (bigger) problems with girls allowing themselves to be taken…. The general public knows what’s up, the universe you live in does EVERYTHING to SHOW you that you’re being taken, yet you (the dumb girl) STILLLL believes that he’s really into you?? COMMON. It is at this point that you go from being the girl that is one of many but is hip to the game, to being that young, dumb girl that every guy will NOW know is dumb and will eventually turn into an every day slut. It sucks, but I tell you no lies.
Moral of the story… you ALWAYS have a choice. Ladies, please either choose to do what you do because it’s on your semi-terms or hate yourself for approximately 3-7 years that it will take to shed the shame of being that dumb slut that everyone in your PAST city knew you as (yes- you WILL likely move at some point to try to expedite getting some of the self-respect and dignity that you fucked away!).
Until next time…. Same Bat time… Same Bat post.
BW
Today's post is going to be a little different. Today, I will be giving the ladies a little lesson. Now before the gentlemen get all concerned that I'm about to give away patented trade secrets... slap yourself and apologize to me RIGHT NOW because I, better than anyone, know better than to do that foolishness! We all however do have mothers and sometimes (and I mean sommmmmmmetimes), the ladies need some help too.
Ready? Here goes.
Lesson #1: Decide to be a fool, or decide to NOT. ALWAYS a choice!
So we’ll start with a story to get everyone included and help both men and women understand the rule.
I have a friend that is into this DJ. He plays at one of the city’s busier clubs so I guess that means he gets to fuck lots of young, dumb girls? Needless to say… he DOES! I know a few that have been with him and according to those that did and ‘got smart’, he’s, and I quote: “horrible in bed and has a small penis”. Now before ANY of you allow yourselves to run to calling me a hater, I haven’t slept with homeboy, and I personally ONLY ever indulge myself with those of the opposite sex, so me mentioning that he has a small penis is merely mentioned because I’m angry that the geek is messing with my girls head. Anyway, I digress. Where was I? AHH yes… DJ with small penis that fucks lots of dumb patrons to overcompensate for lack of confidence in the real world
Well this guy has one of my girlfriends ALLLLL pringled (twisted) up and she is now at the point of no return… she is officially lost to the dumb bitch side and it breaks my heart to know that her father, who actually did a fairly good job at raising her, has lost the battle like so many other whore’s fathers have. This guy never hits her up when he says, flakes out on plans, has her over ONLY in the middle of the night, forgets her birthday and and and. Now to me, it’s sorta textbook that you’re a piece of ass when a guy ONLY ever talks to you when he’s saying stuff like: “no no, don’t stop, I have a hair tie somewhere that you can use if your hair is getting in the way… keep going”. Now for this poor soul to not take her friend’s advice, my advice and even that little voice in her head that is screeaaammming to run the other way, one would assume that she, at the very least, THINKS that she may be falling in love. WRONG. Don’t EVER assume that when people do dumb shit beyond your sane comprehension that they are in love. They are in DUMB and only time helps that.
Now before I go on, let me be clear…. At some point or another, every single one of us is on the other end of someone taking either a slight bit advantage of us, or tons. It’s merely a matter of choice as to where you land on the chart. Now onto the rule….
Lesson #1: Decide to be a fool, or decide to not. ALWAYS a choice!
IF you know that the guy or girl that you’re sleeping with is feeding (fucking) everyone else as if it were a food bank and you CHOOSE to continue sleeping with them and being treated solely as a piece of ass… GOOD on you. What that means is that you’re hip to their bullshit and you’re fucking them because you WANT to. Small penis or not, corny club DJ lines or not, slight resemblance to Taylor Lautner or not, you have CHOSEN to do what you are doing, and consequently, take the flack from your friends (ME) in good conscience as well. Here is where people have (bigger) problems with girls allowing themselves to be taken…. The general public knows what’s up, the universe you live in does EVERYTHING to SHOW you that you’re being taken, yet you (the dumb girl) STILLLL believes that he’s really into you?? COMMON. It is at this point that you go from being the girl that is one of many but is hip to the game, to being that young, dumb girl that every guy will NOW know is dumb and will eventually turn into an every day slut. It sucks, but I tell you no lies.
Moral of the story… you ALWAYS have a choice. Ladies, please either choose to do what you do because it’s on your semi-terms or hate yourself for approximately 3-7 years that it will take to shed the shame of being that dumb slut that everyone in your PAST city knew you as (yes- you WILL likely move at some point to try to expedite getting some of the self-respect and dignity that you fucked away!).
Until next time…. Same Bat time… Same Bat post.
BW
Monday, May 10, 2010
Tony Stark: Hammer time... Can’t touch this!
OK, so for some of you reading this post, you TOTALLYY won’t get the title, simply because you weren’t around when MC Hammer was the ‘DJ Class of his time’ (“The shit” for those that might have been still a little sleepy to get that one. lol)
This particular post is about some real ignorant perseverance. Ladies, if you are going to go OUT OF YOUR WAY to straight up, hassle, follow and corner a man in the club for his number you BETTER make use of it. ESPECIALLY when you are floating around a 7.5 and he’s a solid 10. The reason I bring this up is because there is this girl, we’ll call her ‘Julie’, and she did EXACTLY that with me and I felt somewhat compelled to share my experience with you all so that, guys – you can see how I handled such a silly girl and girls – you can see what NOT to do with a guy that is so clearly ahead of your time.
I hate silly girls that think silly things, such as believe in silly rules like these: waiting a certain amount of time before messaging or calling the man, waiting a certain amount of time to actually meet up, then waiting a certain amount of time to have sex – only to have it be, somewhat mediocre. Let’s call this the preface.
So I’m at this club enjoying my evening with my boys, when a group of girls gander over to our area. Now normally I would be ALL for it, however, this particular group of individuals didn’t even have the combined worth to approach ONE of our crew members. Now, don’t get it twisted. I am NOT saying that my crew and I are too good for everyone; we just know our worth and don’t discount it for just anybody.
Like all my blog posts, I want to make sure that you can fully grasp the situation. So peep this: My crew and I are at the back of the club, posted up between the bar and the DJ booth. The bartender is the startender of the establishment and takes care of us for the time that we are in his plain site of view, the DJ is one of the top dj`s in the city and plays what we want to hear, so naturally we chill with him till it`s time for him to be replaced on the ones and twos, at which time he joins us in our ventures. Now when I`m at the club I like to dance, so this is what I`m doing. I look up and there is `Julie` standing RIGHT in front of me and we make eye contact, however I look away as fast as I looked up since I did not want to give her ANY indication that I was, in fact, interested when I wasn`t. This continued for about 10-15 minutes, where I would look up in her direction and there she was, without a doubt, looking right at me.
Subtle hint #1: Looks away every time you look at him.
At this point in time I am feeling like a caged lion. The only way for me to leave my ‘cage’ was to, in fact, walk RIGHT into her. I really didn’t want to so I figured I`d wait her out, luckily for me my boys were content in chilling. I think she could see this so she decided to expedite the process a little bit by approaching me and what did she use as her first line of attack....``Does your girlfriend work here``. I looked at her in sheer disgust. Not because she decided to talk to me but because that was a LAME ASS attempt at starting a conversation with ME. (Come on ladies, if you want to approach a man of any worth at all, come original. Surprise us, we aren’t looking for the run of the mill girl, we are looking for a gem in the sand, that diamond in the rough. We want to see that someone acknowledges the effort we put in to provide high quality distinguished gentlemen and reciprocates the effort. If you want to use “run of the mill” lines and give a mediocre effort then expect attention from a “run of the mill, mediocre man”.
Sorry had a little rant in me. Let me get back on track...
Tony: “hahaha No my girlfriend doesn’t work here. Does your boyfriend work here?”
Julie: “No my boyfriend doesn’t work here”.
Tony: “Glad we got that covered” and I turned around and started dancing. Thinking that a good minute could go by and she would be gone right? Wrong! The bitch was still there!! Fully, just waiting for me to turn around. Awwkwwaardd...so I decided to leave the ‘cage’. I had to. She was circling me like a vulture in the desert.
Subtle hint #2: Laughs at your questions
Subtle hint #3: Diverts his attention elsewhere
I grabbed my boy and walked towards the floor, he was in front of me and I was trailing behind walking RIGHT past Julie HOPING that she wasn’t going to make a third awkward attempt at talking to me and with ninja like reactions her arm was in front of me, hand pressed against the wall, separating my friend and I.
Julie: “hi”
“hi”?....”HI”??? You’ve said that already. THAT’S the BEST you could come up with as a second attempt? So I decided to up the “I don’t like you that way” vibe.
Tony: “You said that already. I have to go, I’ll be back later” Lifted up her arm and walked away... Now I wish I could tell you what kind of “dumbfounded” look she had on her face but, like Antonio Banderas walking out of a building that just exploded, I didn’t look back. We walked around the club a bit saying hi to different groups of friends and eventually ended up in the smoke pit. It was about that time of night where you decided to pour more shots down your tubes or go the opposite direction and indulge in a tasty brown blueberry blunt....obviously, being in the smoke pit I decided on the blueberries!
Subtle hint #4: He walks away from you when you force him to stop and talk to you.
Mmmmm....blueeberrriiesss :D In 5...4...3....2....1 we have lift off! The circle begins, everybody talking about different things, what’s going on IN the club, what’s going on OUT of the club, what’s going on AFTER the club etc etc. All of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder, wait! How’d you know? You skipped ahead didn’t you...Well now that you know, there she was!!! Can you believe it guys??
Subtle hint #5: If he’s in the smoke pit, DON’T follow him in there! It’s a guy’s thing, BIG no no ladies...
Julie: “I think we should talk”
Tony: “You do, do you? And why is that?”
Julie: “Because you interest me”
Now ladies, don’t take what I am about to say as any sign that you should be doing ANY of what this poor young girl has done in this story because it’s NOT good. All I could think about is, “This girl is persistent!” and it made me think of that part in the movie “HITCH” where Hitch sends the walkie talkies to Sarah Melas office and says “Do you know the definition of perseverance?...Continuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure. Over” WOW! I was Sarah Melas :s But I had to give her credit for being persistent. I had absolutely NO intention of continuing anything any further than this evening but I guess I was feeling a little vulnerable as her persistence definitely stroked my ego a bit. (lol)
Tony: “OK, now I wasn’t going to do this but because of your persistence I’ll give you my number.”
Julie: “I don’t have my phone with me”
I should’ve just turned around. I don’t know why I continued...
Tony: “Sucks to be you then! Guess you’ll just have to hope you can remember it”
Subtle hint #6: If he won’t take your number he’s NOT really interested and probably won’t call. Unless for a desperate, last option, hail mary, you are literally the last girl in his phone that he hasn’t tried to hook up with yet, booty call.
So I gave her my number and she scurried out of the smoke pit and back into the club like a furry little chipmunk running to a nut and you could tell that all she was doing was running the numbers through her head so she didn’t forget them. Sure enough 15 minutes later...”hi..”. Woww, I’m a little surprised. She remembered it and actually messaged me. “Hi to you...good memory, 5 points” We went back and forth with some simple banter and I told her good night. Two weeks go by and I don’t hear a peep from her, so I delete her from my phone.
Subtle hint #7: If more than a couple days go by and you haven’t heard from him, don’t expect to and if you do, expect it to be after 11pm and NOT looking to get some “ice cream” lol
Then out of nowhere she messages me. The conversation went something, exactly, like this:
Julie: “Hi. You coming out next Saturday”
Tony: “Where”. “I’m sorry but who is this?”
Julie: “I met you at a club several weeks ago”
Tony: “I meet a lot of people at clubs. Can you be any more specific please?”
Julie:”It’s Julie lol ”
Julie: “Hahaha. Go to hell then”
:o. “Hahaha. Go to hell then”? Did she just tell me to visit H-E-double hockey sticks because I asked who was texting me after not hearing from her in 2 weeks?? The audacity I must have. So I had to do it. I had to put her in her place. She was offside talking to me in the beginning but I allowed it to persist. *that was my bad* But now she was Traveling, while double dribbling, going over and back, and using profanity at the same time as charging! (Sorry the Lakers just won so all the penalties they accrued are still in my head. :P) OK, before I do this can someone call an ambulance please, this is going to hurt.
Tony: “To be honest..... Your persistence that night was impressive. I even msg’d my boys the next DAY telling them about this girl that I met the night before at a club that I had every intention of NOT meeting anyone new at. I gave you my number only for you not to use it regularly enough for me to have you saved/recognize it on my screen, and when I nicely ASK who was saying “hi” you act like I’m soooo out of line and tell me to “go to hell then”?! HA. Listen here, you should feel lucky- NO...FORTUNATE that I gave you an opportunity to talk to me. You now have shown me that what I thought was “persistence” was actually you high on blow because you’re CLEARLY a crackhead if you think you can tell ME to go to hell!! SO with that, please don’t reply, it won’t be read so let’s save you one of your $5/100 texts per month with FIDO and send it to someone that entertains your rudeness. Laters. –Tony-
I’m on a horse....”
As much as I didn’t want to be that forward it had to happen, due to her ignorance and disregard for me and my worth. Talking with my boys and telling them what I had just said to her we believed strongly that she WAS in fact a crackhead and that, after a text that strong and direct, she wasn’t going to message back. WRONG!!! 12 minutes later Julie says, “I’m sorry. I was teasing. Can’t take a joke? Hehe.” If that wasn’t nervous back peddling I don’t know what is, considering that when she did actually message me she said things like “I should stay away from you because I’m too attracted to you” Dumb Bitch! You should stay away from me cuz I’m going to sleep with you and never call you again lol.
Now don’t start calling me a sleeze bag or player quite yet. I don’t use, abuse, lie or manipulate women. Even though I might talk to more than one woman simultaneously I give each one of them 100% attention and care when I am with them and always find time to show them that they are on my mind when I’m not. But everyone has to have fun every once in a while and definitely take advantage of unique opportunities when they arrive. ;)
Subtle hint #8: When you get a text message like this one, delete his number, turn off your phone and stay home for the night.
9 minutes later, I get another message: “Because I know you remember me and you pretend you don’t. Fine...”. “FINE”? YOU are saying “FINE” to ME? How can you receive a message like the one I just sent and reply with “Fine”?? You can’t! And that is why this poor girl will never learn. The next time I see her I will act like we’ve never met....
12:26 am (Exactly 4 hours later) Julie: “Can I call you?” No bitch you can’t call me, “You can’t touch this! deh neh neh neh, neh neh, neh neh..You can’t touch this!”
Subtle hint #9: If he doesn’t reply, you’ve been deleted.
Persistence is good, but not when you don’t know what to do after you get what you are being so persistent for. Write that down.
Until next time...
-TS
This particular post is about some real ignorant perseverance. Ladies, if you are going to go OUT OF YOUR WAY to straight up, hassle, follow and corner a man in the club for his number you BETTER make use of it. ESPECIALLY when you are floating around a 7.5 and he’s a solid 10. The reason I bring this up is because there is this girl, we’ll call her ‘Julie’, and she did EXACTLY that with me and I felt somewhat compelled to share my experience with you all so that, guys – you can see how I handled such a silly girl and girls – you can see what NOT to do with a guy that is so clearly ahead of your time.
I hate silly girls that think silly things, such as believe in silly rules like these: waiting a certain amount of time before messaging or calling the man, waiting a certain amount of time to actually meet up, then waiting a certain amount of time to have sex – only to have it be, somewhat mediocre. Let’s call this the preface.
So I’m at this club enjoying my evening with my boys, when a group of girls gander over to our area. Now normally I would be ALL for it, however, this particular group of individuals didn’t even have the combined worth to approach ONE of our crew members. Now, don’t get it twisted. I am NOT saying that my crew and I are too good for everyone; we just know our worth and don’t discount it for just anybody.
Like all my blog posts, I want to make sure that you can fully grasp the situation. So peep this: My crew and I are at the back of the club, posted up between the bar and the DJ booth. The bartender is the startender of the establishment and takes care of us for the time that we are in his plain site of view, the DJ is one of the top dj`s in the city and plays what we want to hear, so naturally we chill with him till it`s time for him to be replaced on the ones and twos, at which time he joins us in our ventures. Now when I`m at the club I like to dance, so this is what I`m doing. I look up and there is `Julie` standing RIGHT in front of me and we make eye contact, however I look away as fast as I looked up since I did not want to give her ANY indication that I was, in fact, interested when I wasn`t. This continued for about 10-15 minutes, where I would look up in her direction and there she was, without a doubt, looking right at me.
Subtle hint #1: Looks away every time you look at him.
At this point in time I am feeling like a caged lion. The only way for me to leave my ‘cage’ was to, in fact, walk RIGHT into her. I really didn’t want to so I figured I`d wait her out, luckily for me my boys were content in chilling. I think she could see this so she decided to expedite the process a little bit by approaching me and what did she use as her first line of attack....``Does your girlfriend work here``. I looked at her in sheer disgust. Not because she decided to talk to me but because that was a LAME ASS attempt at starting a conversation with ME. (Come on ladies, if you want to approach a man of any worth at all, come original. Surprise us, we aren’t looking for the run of the mill girl, we are looking for a gem in the sand, that diamond in the rough. We want to see that someone acknowledges the effort we put in to provide high quality distinguished gentlemen and reciprocates the effort. If you want to use “run of the mill” lines and give a mediocre effort then expect attention from a “run of the mill, mediocre man”.
Sorry had a little rant in me. Let me get back on track...
Tony: “hahaha No my girlfriend doesn’t work here. Does your boyfriend work here?”
Julie: “No my boyfriend doesn’t work here”.
Tony: “Glad we got that covered” and I turned around and started dancing. Thinking that a good minute could go by and she would be gone right? Wrong! The bitch was still there!! Fully, just waiting for me to turn around. Awwkwwaardd...so I decided to leave the ‘cage’. I had to. She was circling me like a vulture in the desert.
Subtle hint #2: Laughs at your questions
Subtle hint #3: Diverts his attention elsewhere
I grabbed my boy and walked towards the floor, he was in front of me and I was trailing behind walking RIGHT past Julie HOPING that she wasn’t going to make a third awkward attempt at talking to me and with ninja like reactions her arm was in front of me, hand pressed against the wall, separating my friend and I.
Julie: “hi”
“hi”?....”HI”??? You’ve said that already. THAT’S the BEST you could come up with as a second attempt? So I decided to up the “I don’t like you that way” vibe.
Tony: “You said that already. I have to go, I’ll be back later” Lifted up her arm and walked away... Now I wish I could tell you what kind of “dumbfounded” look she had on her face but, like Antonio Banderas walking out of a building that just exploded, I didn’t look back. We walked around the club a bit saying hi to different groups of friends and eventually ended up in the smoke pit. It was about that time of night where you decided to pour more shots down your tubes or go the opposite direction and indulge in a tasty brown blueberry blunt....obviously, being in the smoke pit I decided on the blueberries!
Subtle hint #4: He walks away from you when you force him to stop and talk to you.
Mmmmm....blueeberrriiesss :D In 5...4...3....2....1 we have lift off! The circle begins, everybody talking about different things, what’s going on IN the club, what’s going on OUT of the club, what’s going on AFTER the club etc etc. All of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder, wait! How’d you know? You skipped ahead didn’t you...Well now that you know, there she was!!! Can you believe it guys??
Subtle hint #5: If he’s in the smoke pit, DON’T follow him in there! It’s a guy’s thing, BIG no no ladies...
Julie: “I think we should talk”
Tony: “You do, do you? And why is that?”
Julie: “Because you interest me”
Now ladies, don’t take what I am about to say as any sign that you should be doing ANY of what this poor young girl has done in this story because it’s NOT good. All I could think about is, “This girl is persistent!” and it made me think of that part in the movie “HITCH” where Hitch sends the walkie talkies to Sarah Melas office and says “Do you know the definition of perseverance?...Continuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure. Over” WOW! I was Sarah Melas :s But I had to give her credit for being persistent. I had absolutely NO intention of continuing anything any further than this evening but I guess I was feeling a little vulnerable as her persistence definitely stroked my ego a bit. (lol)
Tony: “OK, now I wasn’t going to do this but because of your persistence I’ll give you my number.”
Julie: “I don’t have my phone with me”
I should’ve just turned around. I don’t know why I continued...
Tony: “Sucks to be you then! Guess you’ll just have to hope you can remember it”
Subtle hint #6: If he won’t take your number he’s NOT really interested and probably won’t call. Unless for a desperate, last option, hail mary, you are literally the last girl in his phone that he hasn’t tried to hook up with yet, booty call.
So I gave her my number and she scurried out of the smoke pit and back into the club like a furry little chipmunk running to a nut and you could tell that all she was doing was running the numbers through her head so she didn’t forget them. Sure enough 15 minutes later...”hi..”. Woww, I’m a little surprised. She remembered it and actually messaged me. “Hi to you...good memory, 5 points” We went back and forth with some simple banter and I told her good night. Two weeks go by and I don’t hear a peep from her, so I delete her from my phone.
Subtle hint #7: If more than a couple days go by and you haven’t heard from him, don’t expect to and if you do, expect it to be after 11pm and NOT looking to get some “ice cream” lol
Then out of nowhere she messages me. The conversation went something, exactly, like this:
Julie: “Hi. You coming out next Saturday”
Tony: “Where”. “I’m sorry but who is this?”
Julie: “I met you at a club several weeks ago”
Tony: “I meet a lot of people at clubs. Can you be any more specific please?”
Julie:”It’s Julie lol ”
Julie: “Hahaha. Go to hell then”
:o. “Hahaha. Go to hell then”? Did she just tell me to visit H-E-double hockey sticks because I asked who was texting me after not hearing from her in 2 weeks?? The audacity I must have. So I had to do it. I had to put her in her place. She was offside talking to me in the beginning but I allowed it to persist. *that was my bad* But now she was Traveling, while double dribbling, going over and back, and using profanity at the same time as charging! (Sorry the Lakers just won so all the penalties they accrued are still in my head. :P) OK, before I do this can someone call an ambulance please, this is going to hurt.
Tony: “To be honest..... Your persistence that night was impressive. I even msg’d my boys the next DAY telling them about this girl that I met the night before at a club that I had every intention of NOT meeting anyone new at. I gave you my number only for you not to use it regularly enough for me to have you saved/recognize it on my screen, and when I nicely ASK who was saying “hi” you act like I’m soooo out of line and tell me to “go to hell then”?! HA. Listen here, you should feel lucky- NO...FORTUNATE that I gave you an opportunity to talk to me. You now have shown me that what I thought was “persistence” was actually you high on blow because you’re CLEARLY a crackhead if you think you can tell ME to go to hell!! SO with that, please don’t reply, it won’t be read so let’s save you one of your $5/100 texts per month with FIDO and send it to someone that entertains your rudeness. Laters. –Tony-
I’m on a horse....”
As much as I didn’t want to be that forward it had to happen, due to her ignorance and disregard for me and my worth. Talking with my boys and telling them what I had just said to her we believed strongly that she WAS in fact a crackhead and that, after a text that strong and direct, she wasn’t going to message back. WRONG!!! 12 minutes later Julie says, “I’m sorry. I was teasing. Can’t take a joke? Hehe.” If that wasn’t nervous back peddling I don’t know what is, considering that when she did actually message me she said things like “I should stay away from you because I’m too attracted to you” Dumb Bitch! You should stay away from me cuz I’m going to sleep with you and never call you again lol.
Now don’t start calling me a sleeze bag or player quite yet. I don’t use, abuse, lie or manipulate women. Even though I might talk to more than one woman simultaneously I give each one of them 100% attention and care when I am with them and always find time to show them that they are on my mind when I’m not. But everyone has to have fun every once in a while and definitely take advantage of unique opportunities when they arrive. ;)
Subtle hint #8: When you get a text message like this one, delete his number, turn off your phone and stay home for the night.
9 minutes later, I get another message: “Because I know you remember me and you pretend you don’t. Fine...”. “FINE”? YOU are saying “FINE” to ME? How can you receive a message like the one I just sent and reply with “Fine”?? You can’t! And that is why this poor girl will never learn. The next time I see her I will act like we’ve never met....
12:26 am (Exactly 4 hours later) Julie: “Can I call you?” No bitch you can’t call me, “You can’t touch this! deh neh neh neh, neh neh, neh neh..You can’t touch this!”
Subtle hint #9: If he doesn’t reply, you’ve been deleted.
Persistence is good, but not when you don’t know what to do after you get what you are being so persistent for. Write that down.
Until next time...
-TS
Friday, May 7, 2010
Dr. Hank McCoy: Toys R us? Nah... SLUTS R Us!
So last night as I'm out for some wangs and thangs with one of my old good friends from back in the day, I'm thinking about what to write in this blog... Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't have stories to share with you all but I feel like I owe it to you to bring you something fresh. So here goes- some true story stupid bitch shit.
So to continue with my story, I'm sitting enjoying some wings with my boy when in walks this phenomenal lower bodymonstrosity that I can remember having a hand at. This girl had ass for days; the type of booty that when you look at it you have to look at the next person closest to you to both agree that her ass is abnormally large for a non black girl. Moving on I begin to tell my boy about how I met this girl at a bar damn near 10 years ago at a time when I had a girlfriend and playing the unfaithful game. I had introduced myself to her by the name 'Chris'. She played it cool at first like she wasn't about just coming over and wanting to fool around, so I gave her the benefit and played it cool... About a half hour later I had the girl convinced that she needed to come visit me to "Chill for awhile". What made this visit a mission was the fact that at this time I didn't have my own spot and was living with my grandmother, and to make matter's worse, she wanted to come to the crib when my Grand would still be up moving about. The closest entrance to my room was still too bate. So being that I was on the ground floor, I had that big booty bitch bring her ass in through my window! Now I'm thinking to myself: "If this girl can leave the South west to come see me allll the way in the North East on a whim, AND have her climb her ass through my window then for sure I'm fucking!!"
Needless to say, I was right lol. So after we get to fuckin', I quietly ease her back out of my window where she ends up falling into the flower bed outside my window. Yes, I felt bad but I'll go 50/50 on it with her. We ended up meeting up again where she brings me to her house trying to impress me and show me how loaded mommy and Daddy are. This time was a different mission because we had a time restraint. So I get to work right away in doggy style (every ass lovers dream), but to my surprise, this stallion of an ass could not take the full depth and stroke of this genius. I actually had to stop because she said I was in her stomach! Needless to say, I felt nothing short of what King Kong must have felt when he beat up Godzilla in Hong Kong!
Years go by and I would randomly see her around but with more confidence each time. More attention from men 'ballers'and all types of shit, but I keep my cool because how often does a girl forget being with a guy (or so I thought). Moreover, how does a girl forget the beast that slayed the beast?? More years go by and I'm seeing her in random cities with more ballers, she has officially become an industry ho. Upon each encounter I can see that the memory of me has faded. For each time we make eye contact, the more I can tell she's not looking at me because she remembers me but because she thinks I'm a hot guy all over again. I don't know whether to take is a compliment or a disrespect but as you get older you learn to not even care what a slut thinks. Which brings me back to tonight, I'm here eating wings with my boy when I tell him the story of how used to have that girl and explains to me how EVERYONE has had that girl. We then go on to explain how bad gravity and years can be to a body that is abnormally large. As we're leaving a friend of hers at her table calls me over to talk. As we are conversing the slut tries to cut in asking for my Blackberry pin acting all cute about wanting to not exchange numbers but just keep it to pinning. I then show her how uninterested I am in. her Her friend introduces me to her and her other friend at the table. She continues in her pursuit of acquiring my pin when I begin to discreetly tell her that I actually know her already. The poor ting has been with so many dudes that having fallen out of my window and landing in bushes STILL wasn't enough to jog her memory regardless of how many years! I finish up my convo with the other two ladies at the table making my way to the exit when she carries on with the harsh reality of being a hoe and asking stupid questions like....."I'm sorry where do we know each other from"? I tell her................
Stupid Bitch!
The End.
Dr. M
So to continue with my story, I'm sitting enjoying some wings with my boy when in walks this phenomenal lower bodymonstrosity that I can remember having a hand at. This girl had ass for days; the type of booty that when you look at it you have to look at the next person closest to you to both agree that her ass is abnormally large for a non black girl. Moving on I begin to tell my boy about how I met this girl at a bar damn near 10 years ago at a time when I had a girlfriend and playing the unfaithful game. I had introduced myself to her by the name 'Chris'. She played it cool at first like she wasn't about just coming over and wanting to fool around, so I gave her the benefit and played it cool... About a half hour later I had the girl convinced that she needed to come visit me to "Chill for awhile". What made this visit a mission was the fact that at this time I didn't have my own spot and was living with my grandmother, and to make matter's worse, she wanted to come to the crib when my Grand would still be up moving about. The closest entrance to my room was still too bate. So being that I was on the ground floor, I had that big booty bitch bring her ass in through my window! Now I'm thinking to myself: "If this girl can leave the South west to come see me allll the way in the North East on a whim, AND have her climb her ass through my window then for sure I'm fucking!!"
Needless to say, I was right lol. So after we get to fuckin', I quietly ease her back out of my window where she ends up falling into the flower bed outside my window. Yes, I felt bad but I'll go 50/50 on it with her. We ended up meeting up again where she brings me to her house trying to impress me and show me how loaded mommy and Daddy are. This time was a different mission because we had a time restraint. So I get to work right away in doggy style (every ass lovers dream), but to my surprise, this stallion of an ass could not take the full depth and stroke of this genius. I actually had to stop because she said I was in her stomach! Needless to say, I felt nothing short of what King Kong must have felt when he beat up Godzilla in Hong Kong!
Years go by and I would randomly see her around but with more confidence each time. More attention from men 'ballers'and all types of shit, but I keep my cool because how often does a girl forget being with a guy (or so I thought). Moreover, how does a girl forget the beast that slayed the beast?? More years go by and I'm seeing her in random cities with more ballers, she has officially become an industry ho. Upon each encounter I can see that the memory of me has faded. For each time we make eye contact, the more I can tell she's not looking at me because she remembers me but because she thinks I'm a hot guy all over again. I don't know whether to take is a compliment or a disrespect but as you get older you learn to not even care what a slut thinks. Which brings me back to tonight, I'm here eating wings with my boy when I tell him the story of how used to have that girl and explains to me how EVERYONE has had that girl. We then go on to explain how bad gravity and years can be to a body that is abnormally large. As we're leaving a friend of hers at her table calls me over to talk. As we are conversing the slut tries to cut in asking for my Blackberry pin acting all cute about wanting to not exchange numbers but just keep it to pinning. I then show her how uninterested I am in. her Her friend introduces me to her and her other friend at the table. She continues in her pursuit of acquiring my pin when I begin to discreetly tell her that I actually know her already. The poor ting has been with so many dudes that having fallen out of my window and landing in bushes STILL wasn't enough to jog her memory regardless of how many years! I finish up my convo with the other two ladies at the table making my way to the exit when she carries on with the harsh reality of being a hoe and asking stupid questions like....."I'm sorry where do we know each other from"? I tell her................
Stupid Bitch!
The End.
Dr. M
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Tony Stark: Undefeated Tag Team Champions!
Who doesn't enjoy a fun, relaxed weekend away with the boys...I mean what's not to like, no one really knows who you are and there are a ton of easy bitches WAITING for guys like us to arrive. Ohh the BIG apple, A single mans heaven lol. Seriously though, it is always a weekend full of memories for me and my crew.
It's April 17th, 2010 and Bruce is celebrating his birthday and decided that he would take us all away for his birthday, nice guy huh? Wait! It gets better...
We leave in the afternoon and start our trek into the city, luckily for us it was an absolutely beautiful day, which made for a very scenic trip. We are cruisin' in his boys 4 door Honda Civic...notice how I said it was a "scenic" ride up, well that's because we weren't going very fast at all. I mean, an Olympic sprinter, like Usain Bolt, can run approximately 37.52 km an hour and I SWEAR I saw someone tailing us. Lol Now to fully comprehend the situation you need to FEEEL the ride up. 4 men averaging 6'3, 190 pounds shoulder to shoulder in an economy size (lol yeah right, maybe in Japan) Honda civic LX so the shit didn’t even have a CD player, he actually had a Discman plugged into his tape deck...I mean REALLY? Lol
Disclaimer: This is one of the birthday boys buddies NOT one of the distinguished gentlemen you are coming to read about.
Fast Forward 1 hour: we are on the ferry...
Car is parked and we are on the deck. Sun is shining bright and there isn't a cloud in the sky...well, except for the ones coming from the spliff we were hitting lol. We started to sit back and relax, catch in some rays and shoot the shit when a flock of bitches walk by. Now I don't mean to call them bitches but if you get offended by this word it's probably because you aren't secure with the particular life style you are living right now, so please, settle that on your own damn time lol
These, chickies rolled straight up and into our sun. Now my first reaction was to tell them to get out of the sun, as I was TRYING to get some colour for the weekend. However, luckily my conscience kicked in and made me realize that that would've been foolish. We start rappin and find out that they are actually FROM the destination that we were headed and they are going back home. 1,23..4 PERFECT! There were 4 of us and were ready-to-go! This is too easy...
We spent the entire ferry ride with them, with the exception of the 15 min intermission in the arcade room, and make plans to meet back at our hotel for pre-drinking around 10.
Exit the ferry and fast forward another "scenic" drive to the hotel.
We check in and bring our bags up. We setup our portable iPod player and get situated. A couple of us pull out a deck of cards and start playing some BIG TWO (best card game everrr), One takes a nap (the driver) and me...well I decided to go for a swim. Figure I needed to freshen up for a night that was about to bless us with spectacular events. All remembering that we were meeting up at the restaurant for 8pm.
We ended up meeting up with some more people that we knew that were also in there for the weekend and decided to have some drinks with them as well, so we invited them to the table. An hour goes by and the bill comes, it’s $932.94. We settle the bill and start heading back to the hotel to get ready for these girls that were going to meet up with us. When we get back to the hotel I start looking over the bill, something just didn’t sit right with me. I wanted to know how our bill came up to so much...and pop goes the weasel. “Gratuity of 15% will be added to the bill for parties bigger than 8.”
Fuckin sluts!
Not only did he NOT tell us that they were going to add a gratuity but he had the AUDACITY to accept the $300 TIP that we left him. I was infuriated! Not so much that we had just overpaid but that we were hustled, straight bamboozled! I immediately was overcome with rage and wanted to RUN back to the restaurant and talk to man “Vegas style” but my friends reminded me that the girls were going to be here soon, so to calm me down they bet me I couldn’t do 100 push-ups without stopping. What did I do you ask? Well, I’m not a bitch...
*knock knock knock* all our ears perked up. Zee chickies are herree in a wild blaze like the Tasmanian devil. Spraying cologne, fixing hair, buttoning up shirts, PUTTING ON shirts, and of course – one birthday shot before we open the pearly gates to heaven...I open the door, Eerrrrrrrrrhhhhh, and there stand 4 unbelievable specimens of female beauty. I mean beautiful, perky breasts, round plump asses that make you just wanna ...MMmm...pour some hot sauce on it and take a bite and one had legs for daaayyssss. DIBS!
They come in and now it’s a party, the playlist we had playing was providing the perfect blend of sexual tension and party vibes. We polished off a couple bottles of Goose and were feelin’ noice! Some of us were sitting with a girl on our lap, one was standing between the legs of a girl on the sink counter, one was on the bed and I was with “legs” dancing up a storm and boy could girl move. I mean this girl was fucking me with my clothes ON. I was like “umm..you want me to uhh I don’t know, take off my clothes?” and she was like “no its cool I got you”...no it’s cool I got you? What the fuck does THAT mean?? Bitch you aint got me, if you had me you wouldn’t have even been able to complete that sentence and I sure as hell wouldn’t have been able to understand your dumbass, all I would’ve heard was “mmmhmmmnnmnmnhnmmm”
Okay, so this party was cool but that’s not while ya’ll are still reading, so let’s make like Star Trek and warp speed ahead an hour or two.
So we’ve been partying with these girls for the night and they are dope but where the hell is Bruce? I leave the girls and the party and start looking for the birthday boy, only to find him on the other dance floor with two girls fighting over him. *I wish I was making this shit up.* So I sat back for a min to peep the scenario. One girl would start by grabbing his tie and pulling him to the wall where she continued to use him as her pole and show him that the strippercise classes she has been taking have paid off. The other girl gets jealous, walks up and straight gangster pulls him away from her, guides him to another spot on the dance floor and starts rubbing her hands all over him.
Dinner: $1300
Tab at the bar: $1000
Look on the birthday boys face: PRICELESS
So what does the other girl do? She takes off her bra IN THE CLUB...again, *I wish I was making this shit up!* Lol At that point I jumped in, I had to, they could’ve seriously injured each other *smirk*. Me and the Bruce COMPLETELY disregard the people we had been partying with ALL night and decide to take the girls back to the hotel. He gets the one that took off the bra, as it IS his birthday, and I bite the bullet with the other one (which was hardly considered biting the bullet).
We get back to the hotel and Bruce takes the bed and I perch up on the captains chair in the corner with my girl on my lap. It starts of pretty PG...you know, some kissing and heavy petting but then out of nowhere another twist in the evening comes, they both stop and stand up. My boy and I are looking at each other like “WTF” and the one says “I want your friend” and walks over to me and my girl walks over to the bed. They straight up switched us like it was nothing! I have to admit, it had me discombobulated for a second. Took me a min to get my head wrapped around what happened and take action. It wasn’t long though let me assure you.
I grab my `new` girl by the hand and guide her out the door and into our other room (we got two for this exaact reason) I throw her on the bed and start taking off my clothes and she reciprocates. Her body is bangin’! We jump in the sac and PG just turned into PG-13, about 10 minutes go by and the phone rings...it’s 3am and I’m in bed with a random girl I picked up at the club, why the FUCK would I answer the phone? Needless to say, I ignore it. It rings again, like seriously? This time the dumb bitch breaks the cardinal rule and talks, she starts to say “are you going t...” and just as she’s in the middle of a word I thrust my rod into her like I was digging for oil and she showed me her “O” face...”O”! A minute goes by and there’s a knock at the door, I ignore it. 45 seconds later, another call...WHAT THE FUCK! I grab the phone and chuck it across the room. Don’t they know I‘m fucking?? Finally I am able to get into my.....wait, is someone at the door? I stop. I feel like she`s about to say something so I put the pillow over her mouth. There IS someone at the door and they are trying to sneak in like a ninja in the shadows. I look closely and it`s the Bruce, thank GOD!
At this point I’m on the bed hitting it missionary. He walks around the bed and comes up to the side, undressing all the way from the door. He grabs her hand and puts it on his cock just to test the waters and they were as smooth as bath water. The night has now entered the “R” rating! An hour of straight WWF tag team action, not the new WWE shit, I’m talking the old school Rick Flair and Roddy Roddy Piper shit. We finish up and are lying on the bed (about this time it has to be around 5AM). Needless to say, we are wiped and what comes out of her mouth...”Wanna go again?” Are you serious?? “We NEED about ten min hun” ...so we are laying there and she starts asking questions and I say “isn’t it kind of late to be asking these kind of questions?” Like really...we made it this far without knowing each other’s names, do we really need to bother with formalities now? Just then the Bruce jumps up gives me a high five and lays back down and falls asleep. Now after, probably, 4 bottles of goose and dozens of random shots, I can't really falt him for it; not to mention we just ran a tag team marathon and I was pooped as well. Now, what I'm about to tell you MIGHT come to a shock to you but it had to happen...
Just as I was about to say, "I don't have another dome so I'm going to run up to the room and get one....be back in a flash!", there was a knock at the door. It was the concierge and DAMN was she fine! Apparently we were being too loud and they were getting all sorts of complaints so someone had to come up and tell us to keep it down. The concierge looked over my shoulder and saw a passed out birthday boy alongside a naked bar hoe, then looked at me standing at the door completely STARK naked looking at her with all 3 eyes. She blushed immediately and stumbled for words to save her, with no such luck. I started a small conversation with her and found out that she was actually just getting off her shift and this was her last duty before going home, but from the look on her face i got the impression that she didn't quite want to go home yet. So, I told her, "Wait right her". I quickly grabbed my clothes and slipped out the door, took her by the hand, went down the hall and up the stairs, opened the door and B-lined it for the bed. Regardless of how tired I was, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to slay a sexy hotel concierge...
The next morning we all met up for breakfast and everyone asked what happened to us, so we told them. Just as I thought, they were a liiil jealous - as they should be. When the boys got up to go back and check out of the hotel, Bruce and I walked back together to swap stories of what happened after I left. Apparently, he woke up in the morning and the bitch was still there, he rolled over got some brains and walked her to the elevator. I asked him why he left the other girl and he told me she was acting up so he left her and came to me. Apparently it was the concierge calling and knocking cuz of all the complaints, boy am I glad I finished up...last card, UNO! Luckily for us as well, because we were able to retain our undefeated title as the 'Tag Team champions'!
To this day we still have NO idea what that bitches name was. Aint life grand.
"I know that it’s confusing. It is one thing to question the official story, and another thing entirely to make wild accusations, or insinuate that I'm a super hero. That would be outlandish and, uh, fantastic. I'm just not the super hero type. Clearly. With this laundry list of character defects, all the mistakes I've made, largely public. The truth is...I am...."
Until next time.
TS
It's April 17th, 2010 and Bruce is celebrating his birthday and decided that he would take us all away for his birthday, nice guy huh? Wait! It gets better...
We leave in the afternoon and start our trek into the city, luckily for us it was an absolutely beautiful day, which made for a very scenic trip. We are cruisin' in his boys 4 door Honda Civic...notice how I said it was a "scenic" ride up, well that's because we weren't going very fast at all. I mean, an Olympic sprinter, like Usain Bolt, can run approximately 37.52 km an hour and I SWEAR I saw someone tailing us. Lol Now to fully comprehend the situation you need to FEEEL the ride up. 4 men averaging 6'3, 190 pounds shoulder to shoulder in an economy size (lol yeah right, maybe in Japan) Honda civic LX so the shit didn’t even have a CD player, he actually had a Discman plugged into his tape deck...I mean REALLY? Lol
Disclaimer: This is one of the birthday boys buddies NOT one of the distinguished gentlemen you are coming to read about.
Fast Forward 1 hour: we are on the ferry...
Car is parked and we are on the deck. Sun is shining bright and there isn't a cloud in the sky...well, except for the ones coming from the spliff we were hitting lol. We started to sit back and relax, catch in some rays and shoot the shit when a flock of bitches walk by. Now I don't mean to call them bitches but if you get offended by this word it's probably because you aren't secure with the particular life style you are living right now, so please, settle that on your own damn time lol
These, chickies rolled straight up and into our sun. Now my first reaction was to tell them to get out of the sun, as I was TRYING to get some colour for the weekend. However, luckily my conscience kicked in and made me realize that that would've been foolish. We start rappin and find out that they are actually FROM the destination that we were headed and they are going back home. 1,23..4 PERFECT! There were 4 of us and were ready-to-go! This is too easy...
We spent the entire ferry ride with them, with the exception of the 15 min intermission in the arcade room, and make plans to meet back at our hotel for pre-drinking around 10.
Exit the ferry and fast forward another "scenic" drive to the hotel.
We check in and bring our bags up. We setup our portable iPod player and get situated. A couple of us pull out a deck of cards and start playing some BIG TWO (best card game everrr), One takes a nap (the driver) and me...well I decided to go for a swim. Figure I needed to freshen up for a night that was about to bless us with spectacular events. All remembering that we were meeting up at the restaurant for 8pm.
We ended up meeting up with some more people that we knew that were also in there for the weekend and decided to have some drinks with them as well, so we invited them to the table. An hour goes by and the bill comes, it’s $932.94. We settle the bill and start heading back to the hotel to get ready for these girls that were going to meet up with us. When we get back to the hotel I start looking over the bill, something just didn’t sit right with me. I wanted to know how our bill came up to so much...and pop goes the weasel. “Gratuity of 15% will be added to the bill for parties bigger than 8.”
Fuckin sluts!
Not only did he NOT tell us that they were going to add a gratuity but he had the AUDACITY to accept the $300 TIP that we left him. I was infuriated! Not so much that we had just overpaid but that we were hustled, straight bamboozled! I immediately was overcome with rage and wanted to RUN back to the restaurant and talk to man “Vegas style” but my friends reminded me that the girls were going to be here soon, so to calm me down they bet me I couldn’t do 100 push-ups without stopping. What did I do you ask? Well, I’m not a bitch...
*knock knock knock* all our ears perked up. Zee chickies are herree in a wild blaze like the Tasmanian devil. Spraying cologne, fixing hair, buttoning up shirts, PUTTING ON shirts, and of course – one birthday shot before we open the pearly gates to heaven...I open the door, Eerrrrrrrrrhhhhh, and there stand 4 unbelievable specimens of female beauty. I mean beautiful, perky breasts, round plump asses that make you just wanna ...MMmm...pour some hot sauce on it and take a bite and one had legs for daaayyssss. DIBS!
They come in and now it’s a party, the playlist we had playing was providing the perfect blend of sexual tension and party vibes. We polished off a couple bottles of Goose and were feelin’ noice! Some of us were sitting with a girl on our lap, one was standing between the legs of a girl on the sink counter, one was on the bed and I was with “legs” dancing up a storm and boy could girl move. I mean this girl was fucking me with my clothes ON. I was like “umm..you want me to uhh I don’t know, take off my clothes?” and she was like “no its cool I got you”...no it’s cool I got you? What the fuck does THAT mean?? Bitch you aint got me, if you had me you wouldn’t have even been able to complete that sentence and I sure as hell wouldn’t have been able to understand your dumbass, all I would’ve heard was “mmmhmmmnnmnmnhnmmm”
Okay, so this party was cool but that’s not while ya’ll are still reading, so let’s make like Star Trek and warp speed ahead an hour or two.
So we’ve been partying with these girls for the night and they are dope but where the hell is Bruce? I leave the girls and the party and start looking for the birthday boy, only to find him on the other dance floor with two girls fighting over him. *I wish I was making this shit up.* So I sat back for a min to peep the scenario. One girl would start by grabbing his tie and pulling him to the wall where she continued to use him as her pole and show him that the strippercise classes she has been taking have paid off. The other girl gets jealous, walks up and straight gangster pulls him away from her, guides him to another spot on the dance floor and starts rubbing her hands all over him.
Dinner: $1300
Tab at the bar: $1000
Look on the birthday boys face: PRICELESS
So what does the other girl do? She takes off her bra IN THE CLUB...again, *I wish I was making this shit up!* Lol At that point I jumped in, I had to, they could’ve seriously injured each other *smirk*. Me and the Bruce COMPLETELY disregard the people we had been partying with ALL night and decide to take the girls back to the hotel. He gets the one that took off the bra, as it IS his birthday, and I bite the bullet with the other one (which was hardly considered biting the bullet).
We get back to the hotel and Bruce takes the bed and I perch up on the captains chair in the corner with my girl on my lap. It starts of pretty PG...you know, some kissing and heavy petting but then out of nowhere another twist in the evening comes, they both stop and stand up. My boy and I are looking at each other like “WTF” and the one says “I want your friend” and walks over to me and my girl walks over to the bed. They straight up switched us like it was nothing! I have to admit, it had me discombobulated for a second. Took me a min to get my head wrapped around what happened and take action. It wasn’t long though let me assure you.
I grab my `new` girl by the hand and guide her out the door and into our other room (we got two for this exaact reason) I throw her on the bed and start taking off my clothes and she reciprocates. Her body is bangin’! We jump in the sac and PG just turned into PG-13, about 10 minutes go by and the phone rings...it’s 3am and I’m in bed with a random girl I picked up at the club, why the FUCK would I answer the phone? Needless to say, I ignore it. It rings again, like seriously? This time the dumb bitch breaks the cardinal rule and talks, she starts to say “are you going t...” and just as she’s in the middle of a word I thrust my rod into her like I was digging for oil and she showed me her “O” face...”O”! A minute goes by and there’s a knock at the door, I ignore it. 45 seconds later, another call...WHAT THE FUCK! I grab the phone and chuck it across the room. Don’t they know I‘m fucking?? Finally I am able to get into my.....wait, is someone at the door? I stop. I feel like she`s about to say something so I put the pillow over her mouth. There IS someone at the door and they are trying to sneak in like a ninja in the shadows. I look closely and it`s the Bruce, thank GOD!
At this point I’m on the bed hitting it missionary. He walks around the bed and comes up to the side, undressing all the way from the door. He grabs her hand and puts it on his cock just to test the waters and they were as smooth as bath water. The night has now entered the “R” rating! An hour of straight WWF tag team action, not the new WWE shit, I’m talking the old school Rick Flair and Roddy Roddy Piper shit. We finish up and are lying on the bed (about this time it has to be around 5AM). Needless to say, we are wiped and what comes out of her mouth...”Wanna go again?” Are you serious?? “We NEED about ten min hun” ...so we are laying there and she starts asking questions and I say “isn’t it kind of late to be asking these kind of questions?” Like really...we made it this far without knowing each other’s names, do we really need to bother with formalities now? Just then the Bruce jumps up gives me a high five and lays back down and falls asleep. Now after, probably, 4 bottles of goose and dozens of random shots, I can't really falt him for it; not to mention we just ran a tag team marathon and I was pooped as well. Now, what I'm about to tell you MIGHT come to a shock to you but it had to happen...
Just as I was about to say, "I don't have another dome so I'm going to run up to the room and get one....be back in a flash!", there was a knock at the door. It was the concierge and DAMN was she fine! Apparently we were being too loud and they were getting all sorts of complaints so someone had to come up and tell us to keep it down. The concierge looked over my shoulder and saw a passed out birthday boy alongside a naked bar hoe, then looked at me standing at the door completely STARK naked looking at her with all 3 eyes. She blushed immediately and stumbled for words to save her, with no such luck. I started a small conversation with her and found out that she was actually just getting off her shift and this was her last duty before going home, but from the look on her face i got the impression that she didn't quite want to go home yet. So, I told her, "Wait right her". I quickly grabbed my clothes and slipped out the door, took her by the hand, went down the hall and up the stairs, opened the door and B-lined it for the bed. Regardless of how tired I was, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to slay a sexy hotel concierge...
The next morning we all met up for breakfast and everyone asked what happened to us, so we told them. Just as I thought, they were a liiil jealous - as they should be. When the boys got up to go back and check out of the hotel, Bruce and I walked back together to swap stories of what happened after I left. Apparently, he woke up in the morning and the bitch was still there, he rolled over got some brains and walked her to the elevator. I asked him why he left the other girl and he told me she was acting up so he left her and came to me. Apparently it was the concierge calling and knocking cuz of all the complaints, boy am I glad I finished up...last card, UNO! Luckily for us as well, because we were able to retain our undefeated title as the 'Tag Team champions'!
To this day we still have NO idea what that bitches name was. Aint life grand.
"I know that it’s confusing. It is one thing to question the official story, and another thing entirely to make wild accusations, or insinuate that I'm a super hero. That would be outlandish and, uh, fantastic. I'm just not the super hero type. Clearly. With this laundry list of character defects, all the mistakes I've made, largely public. The truth is...I am...."
Until next time.
TS
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